Girl Language
by thecagedsong
Summary: Dragon Slayers aren't the only ones who mark their territory and potential mates...


Lucy had left Natsu on the street for no less than five minutes while she went into the bookstore. It was for everyone's good, the first time she had brought Natsu inside, but he got bored, started playing with fire, gave the owner a heart attack, and got himself banned forever; it was just easier to let him wait outside with some food.

This time when she came out with her purchases, he wasn't alone like she left him. A skinny blue haired girl about their age had her arm entwined with his and was pressed up against his side, her free hand twirling her medium length hair. She wore a tank top and shorts similar to what Lucy would wear and she gave off a subtle aura that identified her as a mage. No visible guild mark though.

The girl gave off a breathy laugh and Lucy felt the green monster rise inside her. Who the hell did she think she was? Natsu was her partner and potential boyfriend, so this chick needed to Back. The. Hell. Off. It took a few seconds to push down the urge to hiss and claw the pretty girl's eyes out, it involved having to remind herself that Natsu was not technically hers, he was free to like whoever he wanted and she was mature enough to accept that… then the busybody went on her tiptoes and whispered something in his ear that made him blush.

Hell. No.

This meant war. The two hadn't spotted her yet she ducked behind a tree to prepare herself. Lucy pulled her hair out of its side ponytail and ran her fingers through it to make it look wild, and she took her keys from her belt and changed it into a thigh sheath while hiking up her skirt. For the final touch, she pulled the two books she had just purchased from her bag and held them in her arms in a way that emphasized her chest. Perfect. With an innocent look on her face, Lucy started walking towards Natsu and Slut. Hey, it was her own mind, don't judge, Slut was probably a really nice and intelligent girl, and once she was away from Natsu, Lucy would recognize that.

"Hey Natsu, sorry for taking so long, that guy would not stop talking. You ready to get some food?" Natsu saw her and seemed relieved as he untangled himself from the bluenette. Slut, for her part, frowned at Lucy. It seemed the battle armor was a success. Lucy broke into a small jog for the last few steps, enough to make her chest bounce. This next part was the hardest, but hopefully Natsu was dense enough not to notice anything.

She giggled and didn't stop moving till she was clearly in Natsu's personal space, her back almost pressing against his chest. It also placed her in between the girl and Natsu.

Looking slightly up at him because of their proximity, she asked, "So who's your new friend?" Slut was openly glaring at her now, but Lucy kept the innocent face turned up to the max. Both of them knew what Lucy was doing, but Slut wasn't allowed to say anything, such was the intricacies of girl language.

"Um, this is Jane. We were just talking about magic, I think. She's a stone-make mage." Lucy pretended to be interested, but really she was planning her next move. Natsu hadn't moved away from her, so that was good. What Lucy wanted to do was start kissing Natsu, nothing says _mine_ quite like lipstick marks, but decided on something more realistic and less trouble causing later on. She sent a silent thanks to the catty debutants that taught her these tricks.

"Stone-make huh," she kept looking in Natsu's eyes, man they were gorgeous; "Laki and Gray are the only ones in Fairy Tail that use maker magic right? Gray might have trouble with stone, but Laki's wood would just grow out of it and crack it right?" Natsu thought for a moment and Lucy snuck a glance at "Jane".

"Gray's more powerful than Jane, so my guess is that despite the magic typing he would have the easier time." Lucy took the chance to press into him a little more and smile cutely.

"What about you Salamander? Taros, Virgo, and Scorpio give me the edge over most types of ground and stone magic, but fire? You might be the least able to deal with her out of all of us. I'm sure even Erza has an Earth empress armor somewhere." Lucy teased. Natsu pouted.

"Pshst, I could just break any stone down. Buildings aren't made of sand you know. And I've destroyed plenty." Lucy smiled and ruffled his hair.

"Of course I know. You and all the buildings you break are one of the reasons I'm so strapped for cash all the time. Better be careful or you're going to lose my apartment as your favorite hangout spot. You basically live there too you know." There, Lucy not only claimed Natsu, but also carved her name and address onto him, she looked around for Slut.

"Oh sorry Natsu, your new friends seems to have left. Let's get going." Lucy stepped away from Natsu and started fixing her clothes. Natsu watched confused as she reattached her keys onto her belt and pulled her hair back.

"Wait, what was that?" He demanded. Lucy paused for a moment, before picking up her books and retrieving the shopping bag she had left behind the tree. Then she answered.

"I don't know what you're talking about; the three of us were simply having a nice chat. It's not my fault if you didn't understand the girl language part of it. Now come on, we're going to be late." Lucy grabbed his hand and dragged him to their destination.

*****************************Nalu**********************************

"And that's what happened," Natsu had just finished relating his story to Levy. He had figured if anyone could understand what Lucy meant by 'girl language', it would be Levy, the female language expert. Too bad so far all she had done was giggle.

"And you want me to translate the girl language part?" Levy asked between laughs. She knew Lucy had feelings for Natsu, but she had never thought her to be the jealous possessive type. Dang her girl was good.

Natsu nodded, "I figured since languages were your thing it would be a cinch for you."

"This is a language that most girls instinctively understand, but yeah, I'm probably the best at explaining. Guys have an equivalent, it's just a lot more obvious than girl talk. For example, how do you know that I am Gajeel's girlfriend?" Natsu didn't see where Levy was going with this, but played along anyway.

"You reek of him," Natsu replied honestly. Levy looked self-conscious at that and tried to sniff herself.

"Well that's dragon slayer language I guess, how would you know if you couldn't smell me?" Natsu looked at her and then around the guild.

"Well, Gajeel keeps glaring at me like he wants to punch me in the face for talking to you and you're wearing his sweatshirt around your waist. Of course you're his girlfriend."

"Bingo, that's how guy's show they are into a certain girl, all those things tell other guys don't flirt with me, I'm taken. I'm going to need some help though if you want to see a girl get possessive. Hhmm." Levy searched for a while before selecting her targets and calling Erza over.

"What do you need Levy?"

"I'm giving Natsu a lesson in girl body language, can you help?"

Erza suddenly looked uncertain. "Umm, I don't think I'm a good candidate, really, I'm no good at that kind of stuff."

"Ever is already jealous of you, so talking should be enough. You don't actually have to act, just go up to Elfman and ask about his last mission, I'll translate Ever's response for Natsu and you can leave when you feel awkward. Unless it scares you, but you aren't scared of anything." Erza still looked nervous, but agreed when Levy challenged her courage. The Titania lost her armor and made her way over to where Elfman was sitting with Gray. Natsu didn't bother listening to their conversation, but paid attention to Levy instead.

"Don't look at Erza, she sucks at this, look at Evergreen." Natsu directed his attention to the second floor where Evergreen was scowling at Erza, "See that scowl? You aren't supposed to in girl language because glaring means you're the bad guy when all Erza is doing is talking." A few seconds later Ever sashayed down the stairs and moved to join the group, scowl replaced by a smile.

"The smile is supposed to tell anyone not in the know-how that everything she is doing is completely on accident. Pay attention to what she does with her body. Now most girls won't get jealous just by talking, but that girl has had it out for Erza ever since she got the nickname Titania, making her extra defensive. See how she positioned herself in between Erza and Elfman? Proximity is everything when showing other girls what belongs to you. Knowing Evergreen she'll skip the usual subtle glances with Elfman and go straight into the touching phase." Just then Elfman said something about being a man and Ever hit him on his arm.

"But she hit him? Doesn't that mean she doesn't like him?" He had turned to look at Levy, but she pushed his head back to the scene between Elfman, Evergreen, and Erza.

"The key for a girl's flirting is that she acts different from normal, Ever doesn't normally hit people, so it counts at flirting because she only does that with Elfman. Another reason why Erza sucks at this is because touch is so important, but she touches everyone all the time. Now, notice how the two are arguing? And how they are even closer than normal?" Natsu nodded.

"Not only does she get to be closer physically to him, which girls like, but also he has absolutely no attention to spare on Erza. This is one form of exclusion." Gray and Erza just stared awkwardly at the two fighting wizards and waited for the argument to simmer down. It left Elfman and Evergreen standing closer than before and both slightly flushed. Levy started to panic.

"Crap, Erza is horrible at this! She should have left now that Ever has shown the superior claim. Ever is going to have to do something drastic now to get Erza to back off if she tries to start talking again." Sure enough, Erza stepped closer to Elfman and tried to restart the conversation.

"Now, I'm not sure what she is planning, but Damsel in Distress seems likely, outside distraction is common, or even more physical touch. I don't know if she has realized yet that physical touch doesn't affect Erza." There was the slightest narrowing of eyes by Ever that Natsu could see and the next second Gray let out a yelp.

"NATSU! What the hell man? I wasn't even looking at you flame brain, why did you have to burn me? I thought your puny brain would be enjoying the quiet, no thinking required!"

"What did you say?" Natsu demanded, "I didn't do anything to you Princess!" A fight started and Erza got caught up in it as well. Satisfied that her territory was claimed, Evergreen went to the board to start looking for a mission to take with her team.

Ten minutes later a panting Natsu made his way back over to Levy with Erza by his side.

"So which did Evergreen choose?" he asked, and Levy laughed.

"Isn't it obvious? Outside distraction. And, really Erza, you should have left sooner." Levy said.

"I told you I'm no good at this stuff." Erza grumbled, scowling into her glass.

"Wait, what outside distraction?" Natsu looked confused and Levy scoffed.

"Please, everyone here knows how to use you and Gray as an outside distraction. You didn't actually burn Gray Natsu, one of Ever's fairy cannon balls hit him, and since it's a form of fire magic, he assumed it was you." Natsu froze for a second as he thought about all the different times a brawl got started but neither of them claimed to have done anything, there were a lot of them, but Levy interrupted his train of thought.

"Final notes Natsu, before I told you Evergreen was the one to hit Gray, did it look like she had done anything out of the ordinary or bad?" Natsu thought about it, with Levy's commentary she seemed like a jealous hag, but all she had really done was join a conversation, fight with Elfman, and avoid getting in a guild brawl.

"Noooooo." He said slowly. Levy nodded, pleased with her pupil.

"That is the core of Girl Language; you communicate tons of things to other girls about what they should and should not do, without ever being the bad guy."

"What about Lucy's outfit? Why did she do all that stuff like putting her hair down and putting her keys on her thigh?" Levy giggled at the measures Lucy had taken.

"It's easier to make another girl back off if you're prettier than they are. Also, since you and Lucy aren't official outside of the guild and she had nothing of yours to show off, she had to make sure you would focus only on her. Evergreen is confident in her looks, Lucy isn't when it comes to getting your attention. She had to make sure you would play along. When Gajeel first started showing interest in me Droy and Jet tried to make him back off, but I didn't play along."

"By acting like you had no idea what they were getting so upset about and acting innocent?" Natsu checked. Man, why did girls have to be so complicated. Erza would have left Elfman alone if Evergreen just flat out punched her like he did to some of the idiots that didn't leave Lucy alone. Wait, this means that Evergreen likes Elfman! But she acts like she hates him!

"Levy, why do girls have to be so complicated? Who came up with girl language or whatever?" Natsu whined. He slammed his head on the table to emphasize exactly what he thinks of their stupid language.

"Don't be sad, you're actually doing really well. Girls like Ever invented the language, and for them it is instinctive. Non-natural hoes like Lucy have to work and think about it; usually they have someone explain it to them when they get pretty enough to be threatening to girls like Ever. Then you have the Erzas, they have to have people explain things multiple times, with small words, and they still don't understand it fully, and they tend to need a really special guy who is willing to overlook their natural social awkwardness." Erza groaned and did a Lucy impression by putting her head on the table next to Natsu, Levy giggled at how much their teammate had influenced them.

"Now here is your final test, think about what June or whatever her name was and Lucy interacting, and translate what they were saying." Natsu thought long and hard, remembering how June started talking to him and got really close, she even grabbed his arm. Then Lucy came and stood really close to him, and maybe was standing between him and June, yeah, close enough to have to tilt her head to look him in the eye, before talking only to him in a conversation there was no way June could be a part of.

"June was trying to tell the other girls in the area that I belonged to her and they shouldn't try and talk to me, but Lucy got jealous and made herself prettier than June so I would only look at her and she could tell June that I belonged to her and June needed to leave. All without doing anything actually mean." Natsu smiled; proud that he had done something Lucy hadn't thought him capable of doing. He successfully translated girl language in just one lesson from Levy. His mouth dropped open when the meaning of his statement actually occurred. Levy started cackling.

"Annnnnd, he gets it! In dog language you have been peed on, in guy language you are wearing her jacket as she glares at everyone around you, in dragon slayer you reek of Lucy, and in plain English, you have a stamp on your forehead that says 'Property of Lucy Heartphilia'!" Levy was chuckling and laughing throughout her entire speech and the guild started to stare at her. Natsu was still reeling with this new information. Lucy liked him. According to Lucy, he wasn't supposed to talk to other girls, and he was only supposed to look at her. Sleeping in her bed to make sure everyone knew she was his because she smelled like him wasn't a problem, because she was doing the same thing. At least, he was pretty sure that was what just happened.

"I got to go." He said next to a slightly hysterical Levy, who simply could not get enough of his shell-shocked face.

Mira pulled out her special betting book once Natsu left the hall, Mira had two rules to betting, no betting on yourself and no squealing.

"Levy was the first to crack; Gajeel, Jet, and Droy win that bet." There were moans throughout the guild. Many had been sure the sexual tension and denseness of Nalu would send Lucy over the edge first, while others thought Mira's matchmaking heart would cause a mental breakdown, Cana's emotional instability due to lack of recent alcohol shipments was also a contender for being the first to break, and Erza's impatience held many bets as well. Only Levy's closest friends knew that she would be the first to crack. She was always over-invested in her ships, and inside of her pixie like body was a psycho that only few people ever saw.

Gajeel loved her for it.

******************NALU*****************************************

**A/N: I am a big fan of cracked Levy. So I am having a last fairy tail hoorah before college starts up for me and will be posting five stories between now and Thursday night. There I've said it, no backing out now. Hope this eases some summer ending pain!**


End file.
